Valuing your bills over your professional worth

Before I begin, I'd like to preface to my loving family: This is not a call to action for help, merely a reflection in the middle of a time where I chose to take a risk with my life. And with risk comes turbulence.

It seems that finances are tight for majority of the people I have chatted with. Maybe its because I am a teacher in her 20s but it seems to be across the board.

Worrying, Stressing and Fearing over my financial state has not allowed for any benefit other than stopping my ability to be in a creation state.

When you live in a fearful place, you tend to focus on the quick fix, easy, jumpstart-but-not-likely-to-last-approach.

It's made me realize I have put a major emphasis on the max amount of money I can put into my pocket instead of what value I offer to this world.

And then it got harder from there.

Because I have had to really sit and evaluate what my professional worth is. What do I offer? I am struggling to pin it down.

I'm a very strong educator. I am supportive, respectful, thoughtful towards all of my students. I am well organized, persistent, coachable, quick learner, self sufficient, reliable. Generally skilled in most professional areas. I am professional.

Cool.

Now what?

What does that do for me as a career? as a person? as a teacher? as an entrepreneur? as a business woman? As a professional?

I am valuable and I believe given the space I can easily prove that. But when I allow myself to stay scared or fear change. Or even resist the potential to be more than I could imagine, It limits me.

I want to break the old belief pattern of mediocrity.

When it comes to creation, to truly be imaginative, you cannot live in fear. Fear stops your imagination.

Look at children.

They are living in their imagination, but you can see them shift out of it when "The real world" aka doubt, fear, shame starts to occur more than love, peace, compassion do.

When I am my most creative I am most peaceful. Many times I have to actively put myself in that mind set, heart space. Today, it was forcing myself to a quiet spot in the library and a lot of dilly dallying before feeling the creative flow enough to write this piece.

It also took a phone call with someone I consider very close to give some options. And when you are able to see options instead of black and white, yes or no scenarios, you are able to recognize that everything is a possibility and nothing is off limits. You just might need to change the scope you are viewing it at.

I am challenging the structure of myself as a public school educator. I am challenging a salaried employee income. And guess what? When you challenge that, challenges are going to continue to arise. And they are challenges I have never faced before because I have never been here before.

I am no longer in my safe bubble of Illinois teaching in my hometown near my family where I know how my life is going to unfold.

I don't know how my life will look 1 year from now, let alone 10 years from now.

I used to be able to see my life basically until I died. It was comfortable, some excitement, but overall Mediocre and safe.

I am now living in the unknown. In some regards I don't necessarily know what next week will look like, some days, I don't know what tomorrow brings.

But as I have rounded each corner that I thought might lead to a cliff, I have found something else.

Not all of it has been hitting the jackpot. Yet no corner has pushed me off. I am still climbing, no cliff yet reached.

I write this not because I am sending an SOS help signal. Or because I am in so much strife or fear.

I write this because I am in the middle of a very unknown territory. I am navigating it one day at a time. And I choose to grow through it instead of retreat back to safety.

I used to resist sharing in difficult times because I didn't want people rushing to my aid trying to save me. I in fact and on my boat no problem. I chose to cross a difficult trek. I knew I would be sent into unknown waters. I am aware of all of my choices that have gotten me to this point.

It is not easy. But Greatness never is. And my goal is greatness. Unstoppable.