I thought I was living in extremes, but maybe it was fear.

When I have spent time reviewing and reflecting my life, seasons of the year and how I spend my time, I defined it as an extreme pendulum.

For 9 months out of the year I work 12+ hours a day. Then for 3 months I have complete freedom of my schedule.

My workouts are super intense, nutrition dialed in, then, for a month or two I let loose and let my positive habits fall aside.

But I was given a different perspective yesterday. Maybe its not that my life is extreme. But instead, two things are happening.

1. Passion and fulfillment.

2. Allowing fear to stop me or slow me down.

Number 1: When I feel fulfilled and passionate about what I am doing, I am not hitting a burn out state. When I can see my life's purpose is being fulfilled, I am willing to continue on even in the tough, darker moments. But when what my work is doing is not in line, or no longer in line with what I am meant to do in my life, I lose myself and my drive. I am passionate and fulfilled by uplifting and empowering students. Giving them opportunities to grow and individuals beyond just the standards required to teach. I want students to recognize their own potential and give them tools to be successful in any situation and opportunity they encounter. What I am starting to realize is that this purpose is not totally achievable in how I operate as a public school year. I am challenging my original path as an educator. It is leaving me feeling in limbo and ready for growth, but unsure in which direction. This blog is one source to align my purpose with my actions.

Number 2: I am a determined, focused and borderline-obsessed with my passions, goals and dreams. I have high goals I want to achieve and for the most part I believe I will reach them and beyond.

So I get started.

I get moving and working toward them. And because of my dedication, I usually see progress quickly! But then I realize that I am getting closer to the goal... and sometimes that makes me freeze in fear.

"What? Things are going well..

Am I supposed to be here?

Who said that I of all people am worthy of this?

I can't possibly be good enough for this. Who me??"

Fear. I allow these negative beliefs and old standards stop me as I rise and lead me to a stall-out or even worse, a decline.

I understand that life has its rises and falls. But for me, it's when I check my watch in the middle of the workout (literally and figuratively) do I begin to freak a little and suddenly think "I'm supposed to be here!"

That is the furthest thing from the truth. I deserve to be succeeding, and continue to succeed. I have a lot of old beliefs drilled into my head from others and myself that I no longer have to believe.

I am allowed to grow beyond what I can imagine for myself. I am allowed to expand beyond my school teacher lifetime career mindset. There is more out there for me, and you too.

As I write this I am feeling the fear and anxiety of the unknown and untapped potential I possess. It feels silly to say out loud because I feels like no one wants to hear it or believe it about themselves or others.

I am beginning to embrace a "whatever mentality". AKA There is a system people tend to follow in life. High school--->College---->9-5 salaried career---->retire. Well maybe my potential lays beyond this structure. Maybe I have something different to offer this world.

Strike the maybe.

I do.

No more trying or maybe.

I have something to grant this world that I won't fulfill in the safe structure our society wants everyone to follow.

Do I know exactly what this will look like? Nope.

Do I know how it will fall into place? Not exactly. But I am taking steps like continuing this blog. Taking one step at a time in a direction that feels fulfilling with the belief that things will begin to reveal where I am headed, even if I can't see the next turn.

When I am feeling fear, today, I am focusing on the next right step. not the next mountain, or stretch, but the next step in front of me. That's how I got up Mount Olympus. That is how I will get through this next chapter. One step at a time

Do the next right thing.

Make the next right step.

It will lead you to the next right turn. Which will lead you to the next right door. To the next right alley, avenue, city, country, career, victory, to anything that could ever happen right for you.

Next right step.