I'm learning a lot right now... everything happens as it should

I get in my head sometimes overthinking moments that I could've done better. Interactions with friends, family, potential boyfriends.

In short, I can be awkward, shy and not always say what I want to in the moment because I get nervous. We've all been there.

And something like this recently happened. I was beating myself for days after thinking of all the things I wanted to say but didn't, should've done, but didn't.

I kept thinking that I know I am way more awesome than how I presented myself. I should've been way less nervous, been myself and things would've gone so much better.

But how exhausting. To continuously think about the past like that. I was consumed by regrets.

I chatted with good friend and mentor who is amazing at grounding me.

She is the one who has taught me to instead say "I am learning a lot right now". I learned that I let my nervousness for things going well get in the way of things actually going well. I got in my own way.

But.

She also said that everything happens as it should. I had a hard time believing it because my expectation of how i wanted it to go, didn't happen.

But. It does happen as it should. And better things are to come from it. I had some space to reflect and realized, if things ended going as well as I wanted, there would have been a lot of newness created that I don't think would be what I wanted in the long run. And the way things went created just more open endings, more possibilities and space for something else to happen down the line.

I still remind myself daily to get out of my head and stop thinking of what I could've said. Because it happened as it did and I cannot go back. but I can move forward and have something even better come from it.

I learned that my expectations are high standards. Not everything can live up to my standards. And when I try and force my expectations, it doesn't go as well.

When I let it be, the best things come from it. I show up lighter brighter and people are able to see the greatness in our interactions more easily.